found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
