The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
