his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize