Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
