its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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