I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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