Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
