she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
