can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize