I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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