thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
