If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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