My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There r osticjed everywhere
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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