I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
