Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
