I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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