Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
