I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
