I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
