I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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