I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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