i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
