There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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