Ketchup is God's man juice
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
