Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just googled if crying burns calories
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
