cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
