we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
