God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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