she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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