I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
