the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
