$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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