I need help removing her.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
