3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
