hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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