Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
