For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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