I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
