I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
