Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
