New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
