kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
