Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
