Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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