My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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