My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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