dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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