how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
