sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
