I'm really into asian looking animals
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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