Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
