We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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