I will die if light touches me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
