hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
