Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize