I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
