I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
