I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
