He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
