I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
