everyone is single if you try hard enough
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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