i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
