i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
