I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
