You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
