**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
