I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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