I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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