Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
