i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
