Quick, to the slutcave!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
