I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
