I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
