So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
