You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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