You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
