I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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