i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
