ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
