I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
