So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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