I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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