Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
