My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
