its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
