ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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