Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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