miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
