the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
even my farts smell like vagina
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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