i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
