dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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