dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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