I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
