i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Randomize
