in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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