just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
