If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
there was a trapeze. enough said
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
