do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
