all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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